Since I am still alive, my auto-biography that hasn’t been updated in years, is missing some details.
Even when I wrote the biography, my then living relatives (whom I was living with at the time) had a chance to review my words in 2000.
They asked if I would edit a few things, and some things I did intentionally leave out as per their request, and other things I refused to leave out.
But since 2000, my brother Justin died from suicide by overdosing on his prescription medication. I was originally told and the lie was maintained for years, that his death was an “accident”. It most certainly was not. He made a desperate attempt to leave this world, and he unfortunately succeeded. I know that if I had died, I would not have wanted the cause of my death covered up.
My friend Katie Packard who died shortly after my brother Justin died (she had attended my brother Justin’s funeral). To her parents credit, they revealed exactly how their daughter died, and I believe it has come to a great warning to other parents and people on the Utah/LDS community. There are some major problems with mental health, prescription drugs, suicide and other culturally specific issues, that often get swept under the rug. Parents that give a full account of the problem, when tragedy hits their family, are IMHO some of the bravest people in the world.
One thing that I want to clear up. First of all, I never intended to hurt my family. They accuse me of wanting to do this with my biography.
But the fact that I left things like the fact my dad went to jail multiple times for drunk driving, which is a major part of my life’s story, since it was such a polarizing issue in our family.
This issue is provable by public records (this is important, if you get arrested, even if you don’t get convicted, a public record is created, and can be requested by anyone), but I left that out, and many other very provable details, as to not hurt those who are still alive and may suffer as a result.
That did not stop my mother from having her round of attacking me on the internet, with not things that are even true, but things that are unfounded accusations.
But regardless, I do intend on revising my biography to fit the current day and the things that I have learned along the way, that were not as clear when I originally wrote my biography.
This whole “families are forever” as well as the whole Mormon “Lying for the lord” issue, plays in to my story, and how my family have reacted to me being an ex-Mormon, and maybe perhaps even an “anti-Mormon” activist. I have not held back on my criticism for the LDS church. But that has not helped me with my mostly LDS family.
I refer to a book that I read called “Suddenly Strangers” by Brad and Chris Morin, which relates in many ways with my story. I recommend it to anyone dealing with an LDS family either directly or indirectly, especially if you are suffering some apostasy issues.
Anyhow, my revision has only just begun. I made a video about my intent with the revision of the story, as well as a link to the archive of my story.
A few updates will be written into the revision on this biography.
First of all, this biography was written in 1999 – 2001 originally. I was a young man,
but I wasn’t very confident that I would be alive for a very long time.
I had kissed death a few times, and luckily escaped my demise. So I knew I could go at any time.
At age 16 my youngest brother Justin killed himself, and I had at that time over a dozen friends
who had taken their own lives, and a few who had died by other means.
So I wrote this biography. While I was living with my parents and going to college mind you.
When I wrote this, I discussed it with my parents. They requested that I censor a few key points,
and despite my hesitation, I did remove a few things that they had requested.
I have also learned a few important details since writing this biography.
One thing that I wrote about was my brother Justin’s death. Which at the time my parents had lied
and told me that it was “an accidental overdose” but in 2009 when I requested the death certificate,
I learned in fact it was an intentional suicide. A few other details on the police report were left
out of the story that was told to me.
Since then, my father also died. This became a major way-point in my life’s story, because when my
passed away, I had a major struggle with my mother. This was due to her insistance that my father’s
children from his previous marriage be banned from spending time with him before he died.
However, when my father was alive, he told me that he wanted them to know that he didn’t hate them,
despite how it appeared. He also included every one of them as “Sisters” in my brother Justin’s
obituary. Further proving that he cared about them.
When I insisted that my siblings get to spend time with my dad, my mother called the police on me
for “harassment” on Christmas, when I and my 3 year old daughter was calling to check on him, and to
see if they got the gifts that we had sent.
Another detail that is incorrect in my biography, is that I mentioned “my mother had put restraining orders against
me”, but what I learned when I got pulled over once, and a police officer notified me about this. He revealed it was
my father, and not my mother who filed the restraining order. But I know for sure, that my mother pushed this issue.
Just like against my father’s will, she excluded his kids from his previous marriage their whole lives.
And recently my cousin came forward to tell a big story about when I was a skinhead at age 15. She says that I had
swastikas tattooed on me, and that I lie about not being a skinhead when I was a teen.
Two issues with that. I lived with her around that time for about 6 months, and I went to Vegas and California with
her and her lesbian lover. They have pictures of me from that time. I wish she would produce some evidence
of these swastikas. But she can’t. Nor can anyone else.
But as you see from my biography, I fully admitted to being a skinhead. I also wanted to include an addendum to that
story about the skinhead days. I started the movement S.P.E.A.R at age 17 (my video reference to my response to my cousin about this), and got two tattoos that say SPEAR.
The message is: Skins and Punks Everywhere Against Racism
I have been an anti-racist skinhead for 19 years now. I ever married a Cherokee woman and I have 4 Cherokee children,
and I am proud of that. So no, I never hid that I was once a skinhead. I wrote this biography that has been viewed by over
3 million people. I am proud of the lessons that I have learned in life.
Maybe they should be as transparent and write their own story and publish it publicly
— at Behind The Zion Curtain.